Recent Happenings

I haven't really been motivated to write about FFXI recently because I've been more or less doing the same thing I've been doing since the last time I wrote a little something on the game. Not that that's a bad thing, I just don't want to sit here and bore the living fuck out of my would-be readers. I've had a lot of different things happen in the last month especially in real life. I even went dancing and had a wonderful time with two of my favorite people in game (/wave Lea and Zar!). I plan on going to FFXI's fanfest in December which happens to be in Cali and it seems a lot of people who I know will be going, so it'll be exciting. My real life work is always an adventure and seemingly enough I've been getting to bed recently at a decent enough hour. Go figure.

I tend to think when things in life are neither great or bad that that is when life is truly good. Surely my life has been chugging along and I've been taking a minimal amount of punches recently from everyone, including my family, people at work, and idiots in game. Maybe it's just that time of year where people are just chill. I know I am. Life's been pretty good needless to say.

I've been working gradually on leveling White Mage to 75 after 3 years and I'm almost there, it's at 71 almost 72 now. It's quite exciting to ding into Herald's Gaiters and other gear. Overall I'm mostly completed with WHM gear wise. I think the only things I'm really missing is AF2 body and legs for a fully awesome and sexually attractive WHM. Lawl...I didn't just say that. REALLY I didn't!

The LS is still going strong though I've seen a slight decrease in attendance, but that's probably normal considering the time of year. We lost a really good tank and a WHM with shitty attitudes about a month ago, but I think outside of not camping HNMs so much there hasn't been to much of a change. We've still gotten Tiamat without them so I think eventually things will begin to eventually pick-up. I'm looking forward to more pwning with my LS, everyone is doing a pretty decent job and I couldn't be happier.

I am happy, I am but I've also been on edge lately, and I have no fucking clue as to why. Everyone has taken some sort of notice though I've told them that I'm okay, which I am. But like I said I have no idea why I feel like that, but it's not affecting me so much that I'm going to cut people, unless of course they cut me first. Maybe it's hormones, /shrug.

Finally...

My doctor and I have been playing phone tag for the last two months and this morning we FINALLY made contact which is a breath of fresh air for me. He wanted to know all the typical stuff about my health, as a check up of sorts without having to go to his office.

I went to the dentist this morning and they told me I have very good hygiene and that my teeth were very nice. I like when people compliment me like that!

FFXI was pretty bleh last night. Everyone was so off it wasn't funny. I'd ask things over the LS and would get zero response. /emo We ended up losing Einherjar because we probably got the worst possible mobs on the final wave, those being 50k HP Dragons who pwned almost everyone there at least once. The boss was a behemoth but we had no hope of winning after the catastrophe that the dragons caused. At least we got full points for the zone. Salvage was crap mostly, my current group has only gotten Mad Bomber once so after the first floor there isn't many 35s to farm besides lolbees for one person.

Hopefully this week goes okay, so far, so good. Work has been work I recently got another raise so I'm fairly happy at my job for the time being.

Where not to leave your car keys...

Today when I went out for lunch I did the most righteous thing I've done in probably three or four years...lock my keys inside of my car. I'm not quite sure what possessed me in doing that. I even made an effort to roll up all the windows BEFORE I slammed my door shut. During the summer I don't normally do that either. It wasn't like I was going too far. I mean the eatery was situated about twenty feet from my car. Yeah, I don't get me either don't worry. I think what made me lock my keys in was the fact I had swapped them with my phone which was in my purse. For whatever reason I didn't bring that in the restaurant either! What the fuck!?!?!?!? (lol) Okay, so I had my cellphone at least I had that instead of having to beg the restaurant to let me use their telephone.

I called my mom to see if she knew of anything we could do and she eventually came out to see if we could break in with a coat hanger. No dice...then something fucking weird happened!!!! Incoming some random black dude he leaned over to us and said "I bet I could get in there with a better chance than you two." So we employed the help of this fellow. For whatever reason the coat hanger alone wasn't cutting it so they started to look for some kind of tool in trunk of my Mom's car. She evidently had a prying device (i.e. a crowbar) in her trunk and they began to totally annihilate the weather stripping of my dilapidated automobile. Enter some random white guy in a red pickup truck with two kids. He asked if we needed a slim jim which he had. We said "sure"... we could certainly use whatever help we could get believe me this car is bastardly to break into. Without success the white guy couldn't get in so my mom and the black guy continued to pry the side of my locked door open eventually getting the lock on the inside to come loose and unlock. With a wink and a smile the whole situation was over and I was free to roam the earth again in the fastest hunk of junk in my garage.

So far, so good....

It's been a little over a week since I started DRFv2, and so far things seem to be okay. We have a mix of more experienced players to people that can't find the ass end of a Dodge Durango. I guess it's to be expected that I'd be getting some less than perfect people to join my LS but I'm going to have to work with what I have. I'm excited and skeptical about it all at the same time.

My rl is getting better, my relationships with the people in my life are mending slowly, and I'm learning to walk with more confidence trying to accept and love myself for who I am despite my imperfections. Outside of that I'm definitely worried about something that's been going on with my body internally. Hopefully it's not anything serious. I guess we'll find out on the 21st when I go to see my doctor.

Brainstorming

So I decided in my infinite wisdom that I need a new plan of attack in finding a new occupation/direction in my life. I'm just going to write down a few ideas here to get my mental juices flowing. First I think I'm going to write down a few things I'm good at in a list....rather, a few things I would like to think I'm good at. :P

Things I am good at

1. Playing/writing music - I'm absolutely not a virtuoso, but I have the utmost confidence in my musical talent and I'm definitely willing to share it with the world if I can get people to listen.

2. Writing in general - I'm not too bad of a writer. I've never had any problems putting down what I feel onto paper, and when I'm motivated I can write on and on and on.

I really can't think of anything else I'm really that good at....I can draw okay but what real skills do I have that I can take with me into a workplace? Moreover what is it exactly that I'm looking for in a new job? Perhaps another list in order....not that my last list was a list more like two points.

Things I am looking for in a job

1. Acceptance for who I am - I find this to be paramount above all other things, if I cannot act naturally as myself (within reason...not crazy Ris!) what's the use of working at a said place? None...but beggars often cannot be so choosy. Though, am I being choosy or am I just being realistic? I want to present myself as the professional woman I am is that too much to ask?

2. A feeling that I am doing something that contributes in a positive way to society - Is there any other honest non-money related reason to work? Not in my opinion. At the end of the day I want to feel like I did something to make the world a better place.

3. Money to help finish off my transition - Money is important but all I really care about at this particular point and time is getting enough $$ to put towards finishing my transition. whether that comes in actual wages or in good insurance.

4. Maybe a friend or two (or three) - Everyone needs friends....need I say more.

5. A desk with a nice view of some random albeit awesome city - Yeah right, I'm dreaming!

6. Respect - Last but not least, everyone needs a little respect. Show it to others and you'll receive it yadda yadda...it's tough though in my position to be able to demand the respect I want/deserve. So yeah, I want the respect I deserve, and I'm not really talking about in terms of how you would give a supervisor respect, just general human respect based upon the person you are. I guess I could've put this with my first point, but I put it down here again since it's so important to how I feel, soooooooooooo bite me!

Things I need to improve about myself

1. Self-Confidence - I used to have a lot of this, I dunno where it all went but yeah I need more self-confidence.

2. Patience - I need to learn how to exercise this more, and not get frustrated at small things.

3. Attention Span - I need to focus more on what needs to be done instead of occupy my time in the workplace with needless eccentricities and extra baggage I absolutely do not need there.

4. To smile more - It's always good to smile, the more you do the more others will around you, or maybe they'll just look at you weird and wonder if you had gotten laid last night. >.>

5. Procrastinating - Everyone needs to work on this....we all just need to get what we need done so we can be done sooner. I especially need to work on this!

Well...I guess that's all I'm going to put down here for now I need to uh....stop procrastinating and focus my attention on my work because I...uh...am at work.

<3

If it is to be....than it's up to me!

Words of wisdom right there folks. Time to muster up some courage today.

It's been a while

Okay...so, it's been a while. Probably too long to be perfectly honest. I'm still alive...I think. ANYWAY, let's recap what's happened in my life since I last made an actual effort to post something up here. Firstly, I've been through a medical roller coaster the last few weeks but it has calmed down...finally. My doctor had thought I might of had a blood clot in one or both of my legs and ordered me to get an ultrasound done or what he termed "Bilateral Venous Doppler." Turns out I was perfectly fine as I had expected. I mean...you just know if you have something wrong with you, and I knew I didn't. So yeah, now that that is over with I'm almost in the clear to be done seeing my doctor as much as I've had to. He's been monitoring me closely the last six or seven months and it seems the hormones are doing what they are supposed to.

Now comes the next task, getting the fuck out of here. That is, here where I live, to somewhere new where I can live on my own to finally get on with my life. I'm really scared, scared for money mostly, but in general I'm scared. I want my transition to go as smooth as possible, and so far, so good, but I need money to help pay for it, and if I don't have that I really don't find any use in living. Yes, I sound emo, yes there are solutions to everything, but the solution to everything usually boils down to maintaining a steady cash flow.

Been keeping up with my weekly electrolysis visits, we're down to a little under and hour and a half now on treatments, and I'm really noticing the results. I really can't wait to be done.

My FFXI life has been great needless to say. I sometimes think I should back off a bit, I'm borderline nlp atm, but with nothing much else to do I guess it's okay. Got Ninja to 75 lol....

I'm still really shakey with Chainspell Stun, I do it okay on Baha 2 but DL was really difficult to gauge, it really doesn't help either when he knocks a person back with Gravity on them. Talk about feeling emo afterward. I just hope they trust me again to CSS DL, I really haven't gotten many chances to practice so any chance I can get will only make me better at doing CSS.

I do Salvage like 5-6 times a week in FM it's kinda nuts and sometimes gets boring but it gives me something to do I never had a chance to do on Cerberus.

As far as "phat lewt" I haven't received much since coming but I've gotten a few nice things...Sorcerer's Belt from Dynamis-Valkurm, Astute Cape from Sea, and Nashira Feet (going on my mannequin when I get one). Oooooo and recently I also finished my Yigit set. I'm resting in style now. :P

Guess that's all I have on my mind for the moment.

Bye now!

So...

...it's been over a week since I typed anything here. Call me lazy. I just got sidetracked with lolffxi, as soon as I got back from Mass my main priority was getting my DRK to 37 and I did in about three days (in fact, I got it to 38). In the meantime, I worked Thursday and Friday last week, did a few HNMs, and my first Tiamat on Saturday night as RDM/DRK! Was fun, we killed him in about 45 mins. Dropped D. Cloth and some Kote.

Been thinking about how my life is going and right now it's a very good but bad time. My transition will soon be in full swing when I move. My mom decided to let her boyfriend stay with us. It's the second person she's let come here, the first being my brother's girlfriend. I'm not trying to sound mean but I honestly don't see eye to eye on things with either of those people which causes me pretty much not to like them. Don't get me wrong I can bear with them, but I would never let them stay here.

Anywho, before I move up to Mass three things need to happen. One, my name change, which happens next Wednesday. Two, I need to find a job up where I'm going to be living. And three, the place where I'm staying needs to be completed. It's looking like it's going to be really nice, the house is freaking huge and evidently is haunted. There are offices in the lower part of the building and evidently it was made for ballroom dancing during the 1800s.

Site of the week: Ytmnd.com. Here's one that's full of lulz http://timetraveler.ytmnd.com/

My visit thus far....

So I made it to Massachusetts alive after being up for thirty hours straight, three planes, and a car ride. When I finally got to my uncle's house I ate some lunch and played guitar for about an hour and half. I passed out after that. When I woke up it was pitch black and my Uncle was telling me that we were going to go to dinner at a sushi joint in downtown Amherst. It was a nice little place, I really didn't order what I was in the mood for (curry) but it was okay and filled me up. I really need to get some pictures to show what kind of town Amherst is. I would describe it best as a college town, and extremely liberal. I really don't feel threatened at all here and I'm looking foward to my move here.

My uncle took me to the place I would be living, and let me tell you it's nicer than my house in Ohio! Like godly nice, it's really beyond belief I feel incredibly lucky and thankful. The house that the condo is in was actually some sort of dance hall during the 1800s.

I found out that the University down here gives a lot of benefits to their transgendered students, and I plan on meeting with someone down there on Tuesday afternoon to discuss with them exactly what I need to do to get into this program. I can finally get some health insurance if I get in, which will be nice considering I've had to pay for all of my transition costs out of my pocket.

I've done a lot of sleeping here needless to say, and let me tell you I've needed it traveling has been hard on my stomach and my appetite has gone down the hole. I went to this really nice restaurant today, I had tofu like I've never had it and it was really good. If there's one thing I have to say that is different about this place than Ohio it would be the food, there are a million more choices and everything (for the most part) is edible, asin not unhealthy to the point of causing a heart attack.

Been sort of depressed today I really need to find out what I want to do for an occupation. I want to play music badly. I'm not sure though if that will be something that is realistic or not whether I can do anything with a guitar or not. Eh....maybe it's not worth thinking about it'll just make me even more unhappy. I just wish I could get some sort of guidance and suggestions about what I should do. My family here in MA has done a great job in helping me, so maybe I should ask them more questions. Not only do I want to do something worthwhile and contribute to society instead of drain for what it's worth, but I want to be happy, I want to be myself, and I just want to be absolutely sure about the direction I am going in life (occupation-wise).

Packing for MA, FFXI happenings for the week

So right now, I'm packing my bags for Massachusetts. It's so hard to choose what to bring, but I definitely know I need some warm clothes. It's pretty cold here so I'm anticipating it to be a little more chilly in MA. Haven't gone to sleep yet, not sure I'm going to be able to. I've got about two hours before I have to leave the house so it's just not worth it. I mean I still have to get dressed and do some makeup, good thing my hair is already taken care of! I hope that I get a few things moving when I go up later today, I'm really looking forward to moving on with the next chapter of my life. Watching "Pumping Iron" right now, just in the background as something to keep me awake. It's an interesting movie to say the least, I'm not into to body building at all (obviously :P), I'm really watching it for all the lulz brought to you by the governator!~

Observe >.> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iMjG2s6UOaw

If you've never seen that I'm sure you laughed, I know I did tonight when I first saw it!

FFXI has been really fun this week. I did a little bit of everything, Sea farming, Dynamis, Bahamut Version 2, and of course, leveling my gimp Dark Knight sub job. It's 25 now, and that's saying something considering that I've soloed most of it. I tried to solo Fenrir tonight RDM/NIN, he ate me on my first attempt, and I actually got him down to 15% on the second attempt before running out of time (so lame). Anyway, here's some pictures from this week in game of the fun I've had with my new LS the Foodmonsters, enjoy!

Sea Farming:


Dynamis - Bubu (Thank you FM for the win, finally!)


Tanked the entire party, thank god we had a PL:


Buffing up for Bahamut 2:


And the aftermath about 40 seconds later:


I is an Astonisher of Wyrms, didn't yous get the memos?

I'm tired!

Good God. I am exhausted, but I absolutely don't feel like sleeping yet it's not even 10pm here. My day was pretty derivative but it wasn't bad by any means. Played some FFXI, went for a walk, and just, well, chilled for day. It was nice. I LOVE my new LS on Carbuncle everyone in it is very nice and I am having a great time. I really want to get my Dark Knight to 37 for my Red Mage (it's the only sub I don't have for it). I've been doing what I can to level it. I've had to solo quite a bit, but that doesn't bother me. I can go at my own pace and just zone if I want that way. Was in a party today with some RMT died probably about four times before I decided to leave. I'll get it to 37, I just have to be patient.

But yeah, I'm tired, and it's not even 10pm yet! Next Friday I'm going to visit Massachusetts. It's the beginning of the end and once I finally move away from Ohio I'm not coming back!

I really wish I had more to say tonight, but I'm just not that inspired. I'm planning on doing some shopping tomorrow, maybe I'll get all "gothed-out" something. I totally missed out on Halloween so I have to make it up!

Ten things you need to know about me

1. Music is the driving force in my life. I have a need to perform and create music. The more epic and depressing, the better.

2. I love my mom so much. I can't express how thankful I am to her for all the things she has done for me.

3. I don't like "wet" foods. That means if my food is swimming in grease, butter, salad dressing, fat, or whatever else might possibly make it "wet" it can GTFO. Oh, and I don't like Bacon or Beef so they can GTFO too. I drink only water.

4. I am a transexual woman. An MtF (Male-to-Female). I pass easily when I have the right attitude. I like men.

5. I love to read, but I get easily distracted or tired when I try and read for extended periods of time.

6. I need to learn how to throw things away. I am what many would call a "pack rat."

7. I am forgiving. Trust me--I never used to be forgiving, and I think the world is better place because of it.

8. I play Final Fantasy XI. I was originally from the Cerberus Server. I moved to Carbuncle earlier this week. My jobs to 75 are Black Mage, Red Mage, and Summoner.

9. I want to write a book before I die. A GOOD ONE!

10. I wear my sunglasses at night.