Moving My Blog

I am moving my blog gradually to here which means I probably will not be writing here all that much in the foreseeable future. So adjust your browsers accordingly!

Recent Happenings

I haven't really been motivated to write about FFXI recently because I've been more or less doing the same thing I've been doing since the last time I wrote a little something on the game. Not that that's a bad thing, I just don't want to sit here and bore the living fuck out of my would-be readers. I've had a lot of different things happen in the last month especially in real life. I even went dancing and had a wonderful time with two of my favorite people in game (/wave Lea and Zar!). I plan on going to FFXI's fanfest in December which happens to be in Cali and it seems a lot of people who I know will be going, so it'll be exciting. My real life work is always an adventure and seemingly enough I've been getting to bed recently at a decent enough hour. Go figure.

I tend to think when things in life are neither great or bad that that is when life is truly good. Surely my life has been chugging along and I've been taking a minimal amount of punches recently from everyone, including my family, people at work, and idiots in game. Maybe it's just that time of year where people are just chill. I know I am. Life's been pretty good needless to say.

I've been working gradually on leveling White Mage to 75 after 3 years and I'm almost there, it's at 71 almost 72 now. It's quite exciting to ding into Herald's Gaiters and other gear. Overall I'm mostly completed with WHM gear wise. I think the only things I'm really missing is AF2 body and legs for a fully awesome and sexually attractive WHM. Lawl...I didn't just say that. REALLY I didn't!

The LS is still going strong though I've seen a slight decrease in attendance, but that's probably normal considering the time of year. We lost a really good tank and a WHM with shitty attitudes about a month ago, but I think outside of not camping HNMs so much there hasn't been to much of a change. We've still gotten Tiamat without them so I think eventually things will begin to eventually pick-up. I'm looking forward to more pwning with my LS, everyone is doing a pretty decent job and I couldn't be happier.

I am happy, I am but I've also been on edge lately, and I have no fucking clue as to why. Everyone has taken some sort of notice though I've told them that I'm okay, which I am. But like I said I have no idea why I feel like that, but it's not affecting me so much that I'm going to cut people, unless of course they cut me first. Maybe it's hormones, /shrug.

Tomorrow

I know that one day
I'll look back and I'll think
About my life now
As a thought from the past
It's distance though far
I'll be able to view
Like a bright Summer morning
Where the Sun greets the dew

And often I'll wonder
If things could have been done
To alter the life
Of my past present self
I'll sit and I'll think
As I ponder my days
Recalling my youth
In a black foggy haze

I know that one day
I'll grow to be old
Decrepit and weak
And ailing from age
I'll be Desperate to live
All the Spring days of my past
Just not the Winter
For those days are my last

I think now and on
That I'll cherish youth's gold
As I'll never retrieve
Yesterday, this I know
I'll breathe in the air
As my last knowing death
May come just as fast
As the release of my breath.

(When to) Let it Go

Just because you disagree...
...with every word I've said
...with every thing I've done
...with every step I've stepped

Just because you truly know...
...the way you feel is right
...the way I feel is wrong
...the way you do is best

Doesn't mean you have to keep...
...the grudge you've kept this long
...or care about some choice
...that's far beyond your grasp

Just because I chose the life...
...for me and no one else
...doesn't mean that it
...was a choice for you

Certainly you should live your life
...and learn to never care
For if your love of me is true
You wouldn't even dare.

Another Political Rant

God, what can I say? In terms of overall political views it's either A or it's B. That is, Republican or Democrat. Conservative or Liberal. Realist or Idealist. To be perfectly honest, I can't really say I fit any of these categories, though I'd really hate to say I'm smack dab in the middle able to move left or right depending on the direction of the wind. I tend to believe that much of our political beliefs come from not only our upbringing but also from our general outlooks on life itself. Depending on who you are exactly you may or may not have a particular view or share a specific philosophy as most of our lives differ so much. A woman who had a late term abortion for financial reasons may be considered the deadliest of sins for a woman who remained abstinent until she was married and had enough income to support a family whether it be through her own hard work and/or her husband's. Our political beliefs can also be directly linked to a certain stage of our lives. For instance, we may shift from a more Liberal to a Conservative viewpoint as we age. And really it's no surprise especially with how the two major political parties in the U.S. are today.

The Dems, especially with Barrack Obama at the helm seem to me as portraying themselves as a "Robin Hood" kind of party. A steal from the rich and give to the poor kind of group. And sure, from someone coming from a destitute background who only wants to achieve some sort of success in the world I can see why they would side with the Democrats and more Liberal points of view. They want to have everything that all the other people have. Hell, arguably the Dems are the party of the "have-nots" promising to make them "haves" with pipe dreams of true equality etc. Everyone should have everything everyone else has am I right? That's how most people in America see it. Material things have our country by the proverbial nut-sack.

Our country is luxuourious in the best sense of the word. We were and still are a post-modern Rome in the world, which is why every other country hates us. It's natural for people who are less fortunate and have nothing to detest those lucky enough to have everything that they do not including not only material things, but also opportunites. Is it bad when our own people start to do the very same thing the rest of the world has been doing to us since we made our lucky break after the American Civil War? I'd say so. I'd say the rest of the world is rubbing off on us. I'd say that the majority of Americans are trying to make sense of why the rest of the world hates us, and can only make sense of it by taking their point of view as their own.

I think it is on purpose that all of this is happening. Not to say that some evil genius sat down and engineered this problem, but I think the media, our politicians, our school teachers, and our parents made it a point to us that we should begin to hate the United States for what it is. I'm sure that the whole problem began sooner than the late 60s but surely it was then that we could've, should've, handled this problem with the utmost care. Although I'll be perfectly honest, in the end, whenever that may be, I don't think this would've been preventable.

Sure I'll admit. I share some Liberal points of view, I don't live the life of the straight and narrow conservative tight-ass to the letter, but I also know what's good for me. Work is something I MUST do. It is a duty to the success of myself. To the establishment of my mere existence. I cannot live without it, and work cannot live without me. Work cannot live without anyone, and everyone cannot live without work. Without work and sacrifice, our country would've never been.

It seems to me that most people voting Dem this election are those who want a free ride through life. They are those who think something is terribly unfair with the system of capitalism sitting there wondering, "Why can't I get a piece of that Banana Creme Pie?" Both of the candidates are absolute shit. Obama is just the person that'll end up fucking those of us ho try harder more in the end. I'd like to live in in a castle on Mars one day with fifty foot walls. With capitalism by my side, I theoretically could do it. Under capitalism you can do anything as long as you have collateral to back it up. Under a socialist society, however, I'll be hardpressed to even get a fifty foot wall built, even if I did earn it all by myself. Under a socialist economy and government they'd take the money I busted my ass for and give it to some schmuck who hasn't worked a goddamn day in his/her life to support his/her crack cocaine habit. What right does the government have to say, I'm too fortunate? If I put hard work into becoming that way why should they be able to take that away? It's not fucking right at all people, it's dead wrong! Dead fucking wrong.

If you earn something you should be able to reap the rewards of it. Plan and simple.

I remember sitting in early middle school with shiny new text books in social studies. I remember reading a whole chapter on socialism, Karl Marx and the like. A whole chapter! I remember being tested on it. The other thing I remember was thinking it wasn't such a bad idea, this socialism thing. I know better now of course, but I sit here and wonder out of the people that were taught about socialism in school and also thought it was a good idea, if they still think it is a good idea. I'd imagine the majority of those individuals do. I don't remember being taught about freedom much during my childhood and how important it is. I wasn't taught much about how the idea of freedom forged our country bringing a group of people together to defend a tangible ideal, especially towards the end of life in school. However, I do remember learning about socialism. Go figure.

Courage

I've been thinking a lot about courage recently. And needless to say, without it, I wouldn't have been able to get beyond the adversity that I've had in my life thus far. Standing up against insurmountable odds is courage. Everyday we are up against possible hurt or difficulty somehow thrown into the paths. Anything can happen at anytime, being able to live beyond that and speak about is only possible by standing up for what you truly believe. Living life itself takes a lot of courage, people murder themselves everyday because they simply felt they couldn't hack it by dealing with the cards they were given. I often wonder had people who committed suicide been more courageous and saw their destinies fulfilled, if the majority of them would be with us today. Life isn't a black hole, I don't think it was meant to be. We're here to learn something and face adversity with all guns blazing.

I've been apprehensive about things before. About committing myself to making something happen. It's like an invisible force that says "no you fucking can't." This outlook is brought on partially by fear, and partially by our natural human response towards making logical decisions. I think getting beyond this barrier is one of the most difficult things a person can do for themselves. Courage is about standing up for yourself, even if you're bound to fail. Failure begets eventual success, at least that's how I see it. Hell, the guy who made Hershey's Chocolate a household name failed more times with his business ventures than I can count on my hand. He eventually made it in the world because he had the courage to keep going. Running away from your dreams or problems for that matter will only result in depression, feelings of despair, further fear from overcoming adversity, as well as self-hatred. I've been there, I've seen myself at my worst, ready to drown myself in the bathtub because I thought I couldn't handle life. Something happened though. Something clicked, and I was the only one to ignite that within myself. It takes a lot to say "I can do this." It really does, but doing things is the only way we get things done.

Chew on that for a while! I bet it'll make your mouth tired from all the strength you'll need mustering up a little courage the next time you need it!

On the Financial Crisis

I tend to think the financial crisis was brought on by two things. Namely, banks lending money to individuals or institutions that couldn't pay them back. The second reason I think we're in a financial crisis is because we all made it up in our heads and decided that we were indeed in monetary turmoil.

The media has been portraying our economy as a theoretical glass house since George W. Bush entered office in 2000. Why is that exactly? I tend to think as with many other people that the far left liberals who support the Democratic party are at the helms of some if not all of the big media firms such as NBC, ABC, CBS, and Fox. I know it was the likes of Clear Channel that had pushed Howard Stern off of public radio after his opponents and naysayers were trying to get him off the airwaves twenty years prior to his exodus to Sirius Satellite Radio. It's strange how free speech works in this country, especially on television. For example, If you say something constructive towards someone (Barrack Obama) or something (a political party like the Democrats) the organization furnishing your ability to speak on television can shut you down if it's against the political orientation of the said channel. The far left drive-bys can even swap something around on a person making the public react negatively towards them since 9/10ths of the public seems to be swayed in their political decision making skills by what the telly says on the Nightly News everyday. The major networks know this, they know people will buy into whatever they say, they're reputable sources, and consistent in keeping up with the latest news and what have you so that everyone watching their channel can be turned into a mindless and potential proponent of the agenda in which their company is run.

Sure not everyone is going to buy into things right away, and even fewer will buy into them ever, but if the media is trying to pound something into our tiny human brains they're going to mention it over and over and over again. They'll mention it in passing, they'll have entire segments on a specific topic, and they'll even drop them into fictional shows all in the name of driving home their political agenda, whatever it may be. We have made it up in our heads that we are in a recession, a "New" Great Depression, or close to international economic collapse and it was the media that helped us think in that way.

If there was no form of readily available form of media would we be as affected by the so-called economy failing? Probably not, assuming this crisis isn't half as bad as the ruling class of Washington has made it. And even if there was an economic failure in a world without accessable media we still as occupants of what Barrack Obama termed as "Main Street" probably wouldn't feel the amount of backlash that we're expected to have, as the companies, banks, brokers, and lobbyists that were the direct cause of the entire problem.

In closing, I am highly amused at the amount of power the government thinks they have, if the people that originally brought this country together saw what was happening now, I think they'd be angry, and confused at exactly how we got to this supposed economic crisis. The government is getting too involved with everything, and I don't think it'll end well if Washington continues their pledge to erase everyone's mistakes without some form of punishment or atonement. Our money and currency were never supposed to be invisible.

People shouldn't be able to pull money out of thin air, especially when it really never existed in the first place.

Cast Down, with Desire

Wrap--yourself in plumes of silver smoke
And breathe the cinders of your plight.
Bleed--yourself where the water dressed the skin
In red, it'll be hurt...you'll leave behind.

Forgiveness is for those of us
Who resign to cowardice
And restrain the longings
Of the flesh
In bleak black eloquence
Once the chains are placed
The bondage of on our wills are crawling in
Lash the need, dissolve restriction
From the eighth deadly sin.

Drink--yourself in that lost and weary way
And forget the nights that were your last.
Feel--yourself in Pleasure's passion Pain
And don't forget the role that you were cast.

In shame covered distrust
All the life, that once was spoken
(That once was spoken...)
Has all but faded into the past...

...Towards the bottom of the glass
(The bottom of the glass...)

New YouTube + FileFront sites

Hey folks, just wanted to make everyone aware that I am beginning to gradually put videos up of my adventures in Vana'diel and otherwise on the web for your viewing pleasure. You can find NQ streaming versions at youtube.com/lilithslave, and HQ versions of FFXI vids at http://hosted.filefront.com/SoLissy61

Thanks and enjoy what I have up there for now. At FileFront I recently put a rather large file documenting the Sarameya ZNM fight. It wasn't nearly as difficult as people made it out to be. lolwiki.

Forgive and Always Forget

It's often hard to inspect the thoughts
Or intentions of the Seas
Deep and vast between the Minds
Of all who live to be
The Dreamers of the cosmic Dreams
The Weavers of the Weave
Who sail upon the Ships of Stars
Beyond the Shores of the
Once sane and always bustling Ports
Where trade once always played
And peddled Lies to those who spoke
Of Truth as Hope once slain.

The Secret to Life: Whole People Live by Stereotypes (even if they don't admit it)

You know I noticed that it’s not often that I discuss my transexuality on this blog much at all, and for good reason, if I talked about it all day long until my face was blue it would become boring and my blog would be branded as being static, at least in my eyes. So anyway, I was thinking maybe I should change it up, and talk about it a little bit. I hope this ends up to be an entertaining read.

My whole life, I have adored music because there is nothing quite like it. Music evokes feeling and turns it into sonic energy, at least the good music does. I’ve gone through various stages of growth in my taste for music just as a child grows to like tomatoes or something as they get older. Despite all the changes one thing remained the same about my outlook on music. Epic and depressing music always struck a chord with me, in particularly the kind of music termed Metal nowadays (and not this shitty American hard core stuff either REAL METAL like Ronnie James Dio). I remember sitting in the back of my Dad’s 1971 RS Camaro (omg beautiful car btw), listening to Black Sabbath’s “Heaven and Hell” and Meat Loaf’s “Bat Out of Hell.” I couldn’t get enough of these two tapes, not to mention they both had epic and depressing qualities to the architecture of the actual music. During my Freshmen year of High School my thirst for music with these qualities grew to an all-time high and by the time I had discovered bands like Cradle of Filth, Darkthrone, and Emperor. My life was never quite the same after that, I was so inspired I even had a short 4 year stint playing guitar in a fairly well known group of musicians. This was all before I started my transition. Back when I was a guy, back before all the problems I’ve had with my family and everything in general. This was even before FFXI if you believe that!

After I began my transition, I was still more/less the same person, I mean, it’s not like I had a hormonal lobotomy removing any memory of my past and likes or dislikes. I had stopped writing and performing music, but my tastes still remained the same. Which left everyone that knew me before pretty confused. “Girls don’t like Metal wtf, and girls definitely don’t play this kind of Metal! How can we honestly believe this, how can we accept this after the lifestyle you lived in the past…” (etc., etc., etc. into the infinities of the second proto-star system of Proxima Centauri) This whole dialogue still goes on today among my once trusted family, and it comes to no surprise since they already have their own preconceptions of which qualities make and do not make a female. Hell, everyone does, same goes for how people preconceive behavior for men. I can’t remember the number of times that I heard that stereotypes don’t exist yadda yadda yadda, but the fact is that they do exist. The media is mainly to fault here. Why do you think some women have image problems? Because there are certain hallmarks or stereotypes that they feel they MUST fulfill to be a whole person. Let’s go through the list of what the media expects a female to be.

-Attractive

-Slender (i.e perfect body)

-Well-endowed (breast wise)

-Sensitive

-Strong and/or Strong-Willed (only prevalent in recent memory…uh go Wimmin Power?!)

-Seductive

-Stylish

-Vegetarian or Vegan

-Smart to an extent

-Timid

-Savvy

-Caring

-Sex object or a walking Vagina

-A baby factory

These are just a few things that I notice personally from the media that I have seen younger females especially try to emulate. I mean gosh, all I see nowadays is walking Vaginas and Penises, it’s terrible in my point of view. It seems sex is all that comes to this life. But I definitely would have to disagree, just as I disagree with all the stereotypes filling everyone’s head to the brim with images of these stereotypes.

I get it. I think. In the REAL world women aren’t allowed to be interested by war, politics, METAL, eating a nice juicy steak (even though I hate steak, some women like steak!), video games, speaking their minds when they have a strong opinion about something, females aren’t allowed to be anything a man is. Omg did I just say that? If a female has any male personality qualities, I think men and their staunch supporters view it as further demeaning what it means to have a penis inside of your trousers. Idk, the gender gap is pretty, well, loose at this particular point in time so I really don’t know what the big deal is, I guess some people are still old fashioned even if they are twenty years old. The internet makes a lot of subjects seem less impacting than they really are. Some people STILL think homosexuals are bad or evil people. Don’t get me wrong I’m sure there are some bad and evil homosexuals somewhere, for other reasons entirely, like killing 75,843,985,734 people, but most couldn’t be anywhere close to that amount of sheer iniquity. We might as well come out at this point and say any person of either gender that does not live under the stereotypes brought on by the media isn’t a person at all. The world is actually becoming this too. People that color outside the lines are blackballed by the normal folk for not following their ideas. The anti-culture of the 60s has become that movement. But anyway, I’m rambling quite a bit. I guess the point of this is, I’m a weirdo girl, I like Heavy Fuckin’ Metal, video games, and politics among other things. I won’t lie, I do have some aspects physically and mentally in the stereotypes I listed above, but don’t live up to every single one. It doesn’t make me any less of a person or any less a female.

Oh man oh man oh man...

This Presidential election just heated up. I can't believe everything that's going on with it. There was word not too long ago that John McCain choose the Governor of Alaska, Sarah Palin for his veep pick. I'm not too shocked since her name was in the group of people rumored to be on his list for veep but I really think this is going to throw the Democrats for a loop! I think McCain has a legit chance of winning now. He made the right veep choice in my eyes where Obama made the incorrect choice. Joe Biden? Laughable. LAUGHABLE. Hillary would've been the better veep pick but she wasn't even vetted. What a slap in the face to the Clinton camp. Don't get me wrong the main DNC speeches from Hillary, the former President Bill, and Obama himself were very good but I'm really beginning to think the chance for the Dems to take back the White House in the name of "HOPE" and "CHANGE" is getting a big kick in the ass right about now. I hate McCain and some of the things he stands for, but his choice for veep only furthered my resolve to vote for him as the lesser of two evils between him and Obama. lolJoeBiden. What the hell. And POOR HILLARY if McCain gets elected as Mrs. Palin will be the first woman to reach an office so high in the U.S. McCain, I'm glad you didn't pick Joe Lieberman it would've been a fatal mistake, but I think you have a shot now. DON'T BLOW IT.

On Being a Leader - What it Means to Me

Being a leader doesn't mean you have to be friends with everyone you are in charge of.

It also doesn't mean that every decision you might make won't have opposition.

That's not to say you won't make an occasional bad decision--hey, it happens.

A leader isn't invincible.

They need help just like any other person.

A leader should do everything and nothing by them self.

A leader takes responsibility for themselves and others.

When things get tough, showing weakness means failure.

And when things are easy...well, things are never easy.

Being a leader means there is no "try."

It's only "do" and when you "do," you "do" it well.

Being a leader means putting trust into those who follow you.

And giving dissidents enough rope to hang.

On RDM/DRK, Part II (Three-headed Dogs, and Lion-faced Beasties)

It’s been awhile since I made my last post on RDM/DRK and some of the things I wrote then while not entirely wrong by any means could be optimized. First off, it’s very important to note that with the exception of Khimaira, Dynamis Lord, and Bahamut v2 Stun’s rate of resistance is pretty much nil. And even then they aren’t THAT resistant. As long as Stun serves it’s purpose it really doesn’t matter how you do it as long as it actually gets off.

The biggest thing you can do to improve your Stunning on anything is the following:

1. Open up your menu and go to “Config.” DO NOT filter any damage manually it will seriously fuck you up.
2. Go to “Misc.”
3. At the top of the “Misc.” menu you will see “On-screen damage display.” It will give you three options in this order: “Log,” “Both,” “Screen.” Set it to “Screen.” This will REALLY clean your log up quite a bit.

The biggest point of contention I have with stunning as a RDM/DRK on the Cerberus and Khimaira fights is that there is no room for any error. Fulmination and Gates of Hades respectively are very fast and are fairly difficult to Stun for somebody inexperienced with these NMs. Don’t get me wrong Tiamat’s Firaga 3 is fast (and VERY easy to Stun), but any spell an NM might cast is exponentially slower than a TP move which both of these are.

On Khimaira and Stunning Fulmination

At 35% HP Khimaira enters it’s so-called “rage” mode which grants him an additional TP move called Fulmination. The damage from this is MASSIVE without Shell 5 and a good chunk with it on. It also gives a pretty potent Paralyze effect to go with it so it’s not pleasant for anyone which is why most LSes opt to stunning it.

Unlike most HNMs Khim builds resistance to Stun after five or six uses so it’s very important that you’re actually stunning the right thing. Another thing to note is that after you actually Stun a Fulmination it might use it again, having a pair of RDM/DRKs works best on this but I have also done this solo enlisting the help of Shield Bash on the part of keeping Fulmination at bay. Like most time sensitive actions in FFXI, you should be Stunning from the menu, ALWAYS. Macros with equip swaps and just in general are bad new bears. Stun will go off in an Terra’s Staff if you wore it…it’s that accurate on landing so don’t bother with “Stun” gears. I recommend sub targeting Khimaira and taking your hand away from whatever button you use to initiate specific actions so you don’t get trigger finger and jump the gun too early on something that didn’t need to be stunned.

On Cerberus and Gates of Hades

Cerberus does not build any resistance to Stun whatsoever. You can free Stun throughout the fight to help the tanks out until it’s “rage” mode which goes into effect at 25% HP. At 25% Cerberus uses what I think is one of the most devastating TP moves out there, Gates of Hades. This move does MASSIVE fire damage and gives a burn effect to anyone blessed with getting hit by it. You cannot not let many of these get through otherwise you will wipe your LS which I did once way back in FM. Gates of Hades can be used back to back to back to back until he feels like he’s had enough. It’s very important to keep a Stun order and abide by it (should do this on Khimmy too btw). Stunning out of order can result in GoH getting through so don’t play hero, wait your turn. Again like Khimaira, this TP move is FAST so it’s very helpful to sub target Cerberus and prep for Stunning it.

Things That Piss Me Off About Stunning TP moves

First of all, the number one thing I hate is missing a TP move because either LS chat is filled up and/or party chat. If people expect you to Stun without fail it’s VERY important to keep any conversation to a minimum so you don’t Stun too late from the TP move’s message in your log.

Stunning in a large crowd too is ridiculous if you have a crappy connection. It’s pretty important to kindly ask any spectators on either of these fights to back the fuck up. I often reposition myself in a less congested area and that usually helps, but not always. 120 people at Khimaira and trying to Stun doesn’t mix.

I hate...

...MEN! That is all.

A RDM is Only as Good as Her Hat

Last night was the start of what I believe to be a very good week. It started with a bang if I should say so myself. Dynamis-Xarcabard and I have come to a deep understanding over the last 9 months that I've actually have had access to it. I've really grown to resent it quite a bit as the drop rates for AF2 is quite slim especially the one I had REALLY wanted. That item being Duelist's Chapeau. I knew when I was committed to gearing my RDM, that this hat was something I absolutely needed to feel complete. That goes without saying though for most RDMs. Although, I firmly believe there are people out there who don't deserve this item, even though they may have it. This hat is only as good as it's owner, and it's owner's gears, and every single time I see a GIMP RDM running around in MP rings and Wise gear I just want to chop off their head! I've known for a very long time that I was a very good candidate for this item but my luck as I had mentioned above has been nil, nonexistent, and impossible to gauge. I've done a million Xarc runs and NEVER seen it drop whether it was going to me or not. From my perception Duelist's Chapeau didn't exist. Until tonight. Yes, that's right folks. Lissy, is a whole person...er RDM today, as Duke Berith decided to stop his reign of screwing me over every time we clashed.

I have a history, especially in my FM days, trying to prove my worth above any other for this hat. I soloed some crazy stuff without it, showed up RDM to everything, and tried to excel and learn where I thought other RDMs failed. I wanted to let my LS know that the hat was mine, and that I had earned my right to lot it. In retrospect, I'm glad we never saw it drop in FM. I'd suspect that it might have ended in a losing lot or whatever, but anyway, I'm glad it didn't drop then...otherwise I would've never made my current LS which brought together all the wonderful people in it. I'm glad it finally dropped and I'm pretty sure most of the people think it went to the right person. I wholly believe I've earned it, and it's about time, maybe I'll actually start enjoying the game a little more with my RDM and BLM more or less finished now. Go figure.

Finally...

My doctor and I have been playing phone tag for the last two months and this morning we FINALLY made contact which is a breath of fresh air for me. He wanted to know all the typical stuff about my health, as a check up of sorts without having to go to his office.

I went to the dentist this morning and they told me I have very good hygiene and that my teeth were very nice. I like when people compliment me like that!

FFXI was pretty bleh last night. Everyone was so off it wasn't funny. I'd ask things over the LS and would get zero response. /emo We ended up losing Einherjar because we probably got the worst possible mobs on the final wave, those being 50k HP Dragons who pwned almost everyone there at least once. The boss was a behemoth but we had no hope of winning after the catastrophe that the dragons caused. At least we got full points for the zone. Salvage was crap mostly, my current group has only gotten Mad Bomber once so after the first floor there isn't many 35s to farm besides lolbees for one person.

Hopefully this week goes okay, so far, so good. Work has been work I recently got another raise so I'm fairly happy at my job for the time being.

Another Decent Week

Despite an old guy trying to pick me up on Tuesday, my dog dying last week (;;), and me trying to fend off the summer heat to no avail, it’s been an okay week. Monday yielded a Sorcerer’s Petasos for Bobbyray, a BLM in my LS. Tuesday we got like our fourth Cerb, and got a second Algol to drop. We also to Bahamut V2 on Tuesday night which gave us the best loot pool I’ve ever seen there. Bahamut’s Staff + Mask dropped as well as a Cashmere cloth and all the other good stuff that goes with it. Wednesday I spent most of the evening taking pictures of Purgatory Bats with Xanthe and was even late to Einherjar as we were killing that Marid ZNM, Iriz Irma or whatever. After Einherjar, Xanthe and I went back to Pso’Xja to take a few more rounds of bat pics. I hopped on NIN went to Ifrit’s Cauldron to farm a coffer key for my NIN AF1 gloves (I finally have the mats to upgrade them to +1). Key dropped in like five mobs, which was the easy part. I spent close to two hours searching for the coffer to no avail. I also poked Vouivre, which was entertaining, I lasted longer than I expect considering I was on NIN. I went to bed after not finding the key and logged off. I logged on for a few minutes this morning and found the coffer in the most retarded place, but anyway I found it.

Boring posts are boring. Please Forgive me. ;x

Rain

Sometimes it rains
When it isn't supposed to
And today was indeed
One of those days.

Sometimes it pours
When you least expect
And today was indeed
Just one of those days.

I'll Always Miss You

To my loving Dog:

There’s no one in the World

Who I love more than you…

For I know that it’s true,

That you love me too

And I’m speechless to hear

That you may be leaving soon

There’s no one in the World

Who I love more than you…

I recall at when we first had met

And all the years I’ll never forget

You were there in my most difficult times

Through the rain, and snow, or when the Sun had shined

It’s no doubt that you loved me so

Your love was more than unconditional, I know.

I dread the day I’ll have to wave goodbye

And that you’ll always keep a watchful eye

On me, your friend for always and more

I love you so much

‘Til my heart beats sore.

There’s no one in the World

Who I love more than you…

For I know that it’s true,

That you love me too

And I’m speechless to hear

That you may be leaving soon

There’s no one in the World

Who I love more than you…

Teh Weekend of Awesomes

It was a pretty good weekend. Probably one of the best I had this Summer. Mainly for two reasons, Batman and Odin. The Dark Knight was infuckingcredible I can’t say enough. If you haven’t seen it go see it now. Stop reading, and go see it. I’m serious, stop reading and go see it. In IMAX if you can help it. Batman was so grim, so dark, so perfect. It was mixed with so much emotion and executed better than any movie superhero or otherwise that I’ve seen in probably ten years. It’s that good. Now stop reading and go see it.

Odin, was awesome. I actually went SMN if you can believe that. I haven’t brought SMN to anything in years but it was well placed in the DD setup of our fight. Odin was surprisingly easy, in a disappointing kind of way. We really obliterated it having about 7 minutes left over. E body dropped (yey) but my randoms blow so I lost the opportunity to assign that drop to somebody in my LS.

Overall a killer weekend. I finished it up making an unscheduled appearance on Pet Food Alpha to talk about various things, though I hope to go back on eventually to give my two cents about things we didn’t get to talk about. Oh well…oh btw got a Tiamat too on Sunday before Odin, too bad it dropped nothing awesome.

Honesty

Here's some more lyrics I've been working on for my concept album. A little cheesy but I'm going for some epic-ness in the music so I need highly emotional lyrics (notemo). >.>

Honesty

You may not believe

That what I am about to say

Are indeed the facts

Or that there was anyway to tell

That those before me

Were to blame

For what is to come

Out of all of this.

I know that

In your eyes

There's no telling

As to how this could possibly end

But I assure you that

I've known for so long

Known for so long

That this day would come.

I'm not asking you to understand

That this is indeed who I am

I'm not asking you to understand

That this is alone, is my decision

To erase myself

And die...

By my own hand.

Where not to leave your car keys...

Today when I went out for lunch I did the most righteous thing I've done in probably three or four years...lock my keys inside of my car. I'm not quite sure what possessed me in doing that. I even made an effort to roll up all the windows BEFORE I slammed my door shut. During the summer I don't normally do that either. It wasn't like I was going too far. I mean the eatery was situated about twenty feet from my car. Yeah, I don't get me either don't worry. I think what made me lock my keys in was the fact I had swapped them with my phone which was in my purse. For whatever reason I didn't bring that in the restaurant either! What the fuck!?!?!?!? (lol) Okay, so I had my cellphone at least I had that instead of having to beg the restaurant to let me use their telephone.

I called my mom to see if she knew of anything we could do and she eventually came out to see if we could break in with a coat hanger. No dice...then something fucking weird happened!!!! Incoming some random black dude he leaned over to us and said "I bet I could get in there with a better chance than you two." So we employed the help of this fellow. For whatever reason the coat hanger alone wasn't cutting it so they started to look for some kind of tool in trunk of my Mom's car. She evidently had a prying device (i.e. a crowbar) in her trunk and they began to totally annihilate the weather stripping of my dilapidated automobile. Enter some random white guy in a red pickup truck with two kids. He asked if we needed a slim jim which he had. We said "sure"... we could certainly use whatever help we could get believe me this car is bastardly to break into. Without success the white guy couldn't get in so my mom and the black guy continued to pry the side of my locked door open eventually getting the lock on the inside to come loose and unlock. With a wink and a smile the whole situation was over and I was free to roam the earth again in the fastest hunk of junk in my garage.

Odin?

Yeah...Odin. My Einherjar LS, Valgrind, should (hopefully) be fighting this asshole in the coming week. That's next Sunday. We actually managed to beat the chamber we could never win in Foodmonsters, that being Gerhilde's Chamber so we are ONE win away from being able to fight Odin. I've read quite a bit about what to expect and it would seem that especially on the melee's part that they need meds of all kinds including poison pots, holy waters, icarus wings, and possibly remedies. BLMs supposedly have cruddy damage on it so we'll opt to bring Summoners and regular ole' melee to get the job done. He has 100k HP, and we have 30 minutes to complete that mission. I want him dead in less than that. I am very proud of the fact we have come so far in Einherjar and hopefully we'll be one of the first on our server to down him. We just need open ears and people willing to work as a team to be there ready to have some fun.

Zeni NMs: My Thoughts

SE in their infinite wisdom decided to release a new NM system with the last version update we had on June 19th and I have to say it's pretty fun. It involves farming points via taking pictures with a Soultrapper (Hello, Pankration!) of monsters in order to receive pop items. At first I thought this was really lame and not fun at all, but it is pretty fun to be perfectly honest, it's something you can do for thirty minutes and stop. It's really the most casual NM system SE has released yet.

There are five tiers to the system and a boat load of NMs in each tier. As to be expected as your progressively go up the ladder the NMs get harder. Most tier 1 and 2s are a joke, but Tier 3s have a few absolutely retarded hard ones. Like Experimental Lamia...

Most of the rewards are pretty lame but I welcome new things to fight.

We (my LS and I) managed to get a set together for the Tier 4 Khimaira named Tyger, I'll have to let everyone knows how it goes when we do it on Saturday!

Reprisal/God's A Fool

Okay so I'm writing lyrics for a set of new songs I'm working on and I feel like posting a couple so check it out! They are for a concept album I plan to do in the future...ANYWAY, enjoy if you're into this kind of thing.

Reprisal

Will I wake up tomorrow?

Well, that’s really a question if I want to live

Or give myself up—Yeah, I’d rather die

I’m so tired of running…

How long has it been?

Probably fifteen years or more

I think it’s time to stop being a fugitive

From myself…

From them…

And the rest of the World

I think it’s time to finally do something about this

And murder all of my fears

I think it’s time to make my stand

Or die trying.

God’s a Fool

If it was up to me this would’ve been over years ago

I’m sure of it

Though I often wonder

Did I ever have any control?

No, I never did…

Why am I even here?

This isn’t how it was meant to be

I should’ve been someone somewhere else

A person who isn’t me.

Oh and by the way...

...it's cruel and unusual punishment to execute child rapists. /fume

What's been going on?

Well, I haven't typed here in what, a week? I've been so busy trying to work on a bunch of new projects and trying to maintain some sort of sanity in my HNMLS.

My LS has been doing great as expected. We've been doing Einherjar twice a week, and got our first Tier 3 win last Sunday. It was crazy, we had less than five minutes when we killed the Vampyre boss.

Monday we did Dynamis-Xarcabard and it yielded five AF2 two of which were utter trash. SMN WAR SAM WHM and NIN. We had a really rough start due to inexperienced tanks but we got it together after about the third NM set. I dced for like an hour and missed the rest of the run following the NMs.

Yesterday, we did a whole bunch of things. An Omega thanks to Grifter, and a Jailer of Prudence and Hope both of which went well. We killed Prud in like five minutes. I love doing it the new way the old way is retarded and people die so yeah. Notable loot last night was Homam body and Hope Torque (grats me!).

Tonight is another Einherjar I REALLY want to do Tier 3 but we'll see who shows up. It'll probably end up being Tier 2.

Lissy Moves to Windy

I always planned to move to Windurst eventually. It's pretty much been in the back of my mind for quite a while, and yesterday I took action. That's right folks, I packed my trusty Chapeau and Staves into a Chocowagon and moved to Windy. I feel like such a traitor especially after living in Bastok ever since Lissy was born there. I'm honestly not sure if I'll do Sandy missions. I really don't care about the hustle and bustle of Sandy, but Windy on the other hand seems like a nice place to settle down and retire. :3

In other news, I got an Omega Ring last night for my RDM. A couple weeks ago I finished Morrigan's Robe as well. My LS is pwning...and thank god we're doing Einherjar I really love that event. So far we've taken down everything in Sea (not AV), Tiamat, and Bv2 just to name a few. I'm very proud of everyone that came over with me from FM to make the LS as great as it is.

Salvage is still something I constantly do, Moggie finished Usukane feet last night in a very dramatic long and drawn out battle with a Frog. My biggest goal now that that is over is to get some fucking Ares to drop. My group has had no love with Ares yet so we need some!

I guess that's all I really have to say for the moment. T'il next time tata.

Freedom from Deceit

Oh Lord, it is you
To whom I beseech--
My every breath and living step
Are yours should you so choose

Take my Soul into the infinities
So I may see the Beyond
Even if I may ignite...
Or burst into flames
Even if I burn to ash...
And cease to be.

Oh Lord, it is you
To whom I beseech--
Take my Soul into the infinities
So I may see the Beyond.

The Update is actually...decent.

So the update is actually very good. I'm impressed. The new NM system kinda turned me off at first, but I think it'll pan out to be something very good for FFXI. People everywhere seem to have a new interest in the game, and just in time for Summer at that. Ixion seems to be a win NM, with decent drops at that. Einherjar seems do-able with smaller groups now as well.

The LS has been going very well, we got our first Novio and Novia last night. So we have three Novios including myself in the LS now. We did BV2 earlier this week and it went really well. Got one of our BRDs a shiny new Sh'air Manteel.

Life has been pretty care-free. I haven't been feeling like shit for a change. Maybe it's a combination of the sun being out and the increase my doc gave me on my hormonal meds. Work has been going okay of the late so I can't really complain, though there's always that one thing that happens daily that just makes a person want to kick a puppy. And no, I would never EVER kick a puppy it's a figure of speech. <3333333333333 puppies. While we're at it <3333333333333 kitties too!

Oh and thank you to that special someone who sent flowers to me last week! That made me feel really good...was walking around the house for forty-five minutes all giddy that day!

Update Notes

Well...the June update is finally here and it's very underwhelming. I wish they would've given us more to look at, I mean it's very plain (like my blog!). I guess I'm most excited about the furniture changes...I'm going to have soooo much space now. But yeah...like Mog said in his blog I'm neither happy or unhappy with the update as of yet. I hope something good comes out of it. I wonder how the HNM thingy is going to work, that's what I want to see the most. The Einherjar changes are long overdue, but since we actively do Einherjar with another LS, these are certainly welcome as we start the higher tiers later this week. Eh...the update seems ok. I give it a B- based on the update notes alone.

It begins, it begins, it begins...

I finally got my Macha's Coat last Friday, which was one of the most exciting days I've had in game yet. I had a firesale, totally de-gearing my NIN's sellable gear, undercutting on the harder to sell stuff to get the gil I needed for twelve Imperial Wootz Ingots. When I logged Friday night I had eight. By morning I was completely done and began looking at the next problem I would have to overcome in finally finishing my Morrigan's Robe...Long-Bowed Chariot.



For those that don't know why this is such a hurdle it involves not only getting up to the fifth floor in decent time, but also an incredibly frustrating set of ten single gear pulls on the forth floor. The boss's damage and tp moves are weakened by killing all ten, and its TP move Homing Missile is nerfed from resetting hate. Pulling the ten gears isn't so simple though. They are really sensitive and like to emo-warp if you aren't careful. You have to aggro them by damage, and if you aggro by sight or sound or magic aggro they warp. If you don't kill each one in a minute...they warp. Imagine having to do that ten fucking times. It's nerve racking. My new Salvage group is getting there though, last night our THF, a fucking amazing puller if I should say so myself got all 10/10 and we were able to kill LBC in about thirteen minutes.

It was Mog's first boss win and he also received the last piece to finish Usukane legs. I have a lot of faith in this new group, I think we're capable of getting people their stuff after doing this. Of course, it's going to take practice. Bodb's Robe...didn't drop last night. Phobos head did...yeah I was disappointed, but I should be so lucky that I have some great friends that are willing to go with me to see me get this, I think that leaves me ever more satisfied than actually getting the stupid 25 piece. I'll get it eventually, yeah I would like it now, but sometimes you can't always get what you want right away. Fact is, I think my new Salvage group has something to it, and I'm excited to see how far we get, I have confidence.

Salvage is thrilling, with Einherjar I am all but satisfied with playing FFXI at this particular point in time. It gives me immense joy leading people to victory even if I myself still have so much to learn.

Can't sleep!

This is bad. Real bad. I can't sleep. At all. Not one wink. Today....er yesterday wasn't bad by any means though. So I'm not sure what could be causing my insomnia! In any case I wish I could sleep. I'm definitely looking forward to tomorrow....er later today!

New Nightwish

The new Nightwish album is REALLY good, at least to start. The first three songs are immaculate and really the first song a 13+ minute epic is definitely one of the best songs I've ever heard. I listened to this CD like seven times today already, and like five times last night....lol.

If you like epic orchestral operatic awesome music get this!

Wake

I have become as Death
Forgive me...
For my Heart is devoid of emotion
Am I the cause...
Am I the cause...
Of all our Pains?
Or have I made my own the World's?

It has, it was, so difficult
To Love
How could I ever think...
To overcome
This swollen Hurt?
How could I ever think...
To sever
my Disdain?

I sometimes wonder
If I ever lived
The Life that was planned for me
Or did I transgress
The silent Decrees
Set forth to me
Before my Soul exhaled?

Where did I ever find the happiness to continue
Despite the harsh digression we were forced to take?

How did I ever learn
To even care?
Or was it only because
I knew...
I knew...
That you would
Never leave
That you would
No matter what
Forever and always
Be there.

It has, it was, so difficult
To Love
How could I ever think...
To overcome
This swollen Hurt?
How could I ever think...
To sever
my Disdain?

KV sucks.

King Vinegarroon is taking his good ole' time today. Either that or he depopped. Which I hope didn't happen!

Sunday...was a Good Day

Well, I finally got Altruistic Cape. Finally. Ix'DRK is easily one of the worst NMs in Sea, he just keeps going and going...and yesterday was no exception. Fourteen fucking reraises and it dropped Vice when I was trying to get our Einherjar run setup, so I was hardly paying any attention to the fact that it dropped!

Einherjar went incredibly well. I couldn't be more pleased that I had helped lead us to victory and set everything up to make it happen. I'm more pleased about the win than getting my cape...

I have a little less than 5k IS to go to ungimp my NIN by getting Perdu Blade. I can hardly wait. Hopefully I'll be seeing that this week.

Tonight is my LS's first Dynamis, we're going to do Bastok, hopefully getting the win so one of our members can finally experience the freezing chill of ice. More to come this week!

Hello people that somehow stumbled here!

I was informed today that a few people who have since quit FFXI have stumbled here. I'm sure it came to surprise that omg Lise is a transexual. Okay....and? I just want to put out there that people should ask me questions if they have any instead of coming to their own conclusions. I never lied, if many of you think that. :P

I am legally and physically for the lack of a better term female. I used to be a guy four years ago. USED TO BE. Anywho I <3 ya all thanks for finding my blog I hope you find some entertainment in it because that's what it's here for.

Special Ed Award for the Day!

So I've been at work for a couple hours now and I just now noticed that I put two different pairs of shoes on. >_>

Yeah...no one else can notice though as the shoes are practically identical. They both are black and leathery bootish kinda sexy shoes with a flaring heel. One was made in Italy the other in Singapore or something...the biggest difference are the tips of them one is more flat, while the other is more pointy. I'm surprised I didn't notice until just now haha!

Perfection

Tonight the Sky was ours
Painting the intricate flames
With our every step
As that which lay hidden below
Buried itself through the mechanisms
Of rebirth.
Shall we be enriched?
Or forsaken by our ancestry in the aeon to come?
Brazen were we to think
Of ourselves so high...
As we mistook our very end
In forgetfulness.

Sea Fun and some Random Thoughts...for the day

So let me start off by saying I love Sea. It's obvious as I spend the majority of my in game time there, but let me also say PM Mission 8-2 is incredibly frustrating with a lot of people....especially when the person that needs it has to get into bed at a reasonable hour. This mission was always long, I did mine with four people when I first got Sea and we had gotten through pretty quick with that setup. More than that though seems to be burden.

In other news, we popped Temperance at Elvaan tower only to see it depop. I wasn't livid, but I wasn't happy either.

The new LS is going great all-in-all people still have to learn a few things about stuff, but I think we'll be fine.

Concerning my real life, my job feels as unfruitful as ever, like a road leading to nowhere. I really really need to try and take a risk of moving and see if I can get a better job elsewhere despite not having finished my BA. I've been trying to save a decent amount of cash to finance for my surgeries and for a move...probably SoCal where I can share a place with Hanh. I only hope my family understands all this if I just somehow magically decide to pickup and leave, which is looking better by the moment.

I met through Craigslist someone who seems motivated to write music with me. We're probably going to meet up somewhere on Friday, I have to say I'm pretty scared, I hate talking to people in person most of the time, but I guess I shouldn't feel that way. There's really no reason to.

OH and one other thing, my hair, yes hair...it's going to be done on Saturday I can't wait! I'm probably going to lighten it up considerably and have an inch or so cut off to get rid of some of those pesky split-ends. ^^

So far, so good....

It's been a little over a week since I started DRFv2, and so far things seem to be okay. We have a mix of more experienced players to people that can't find the ass end of a Dodge Durango. I guess it's to be expected that I'd be getting some less than perfect people to join my LS but I'm going to have to work with what I have. I'm excited and skeptical about it all at the same time.

My rl is getting better, my relationships with the people in my life are mending slowly, and I'm learning to walk with more confidence trying to accept and love myself for who I am despite my imperfections. Outside of that I'm definitely worried about something that's been going on with my body internally. Hopefully it's not anything serious. I guess we'll find out on the 21st when I go to see my doctor.

Call me Boss...Mega Boss.

That's right folks. I made my own LS. More to come soon. Did I mention I named it DownRightFierce?

It's Over...

Foodmonsters, my LS, is dead. Grifter, the LS leader decided to pull the plug last night after its four year history wrecking havoc on the Carbuncle server. It wasn't at all a surprise to me either. People were just not logging on anymore for anything and the twelve to fifteen people that remained with the exception of about five of us didn't come on save for events or Einherjar only. As a good LS mate of mine said...it was "inevitable." Honestly, I feel a bit devastated that I won't be seeing my friends too much anymore, I cried a little last night and some this morning on the way to work about this (it's stupid to cry over a game I know lol). It's very saddening, probably even moreso or equal to my decision to leave DRF and the game for three months back in August. I am really, really going to miss FM, everyone in it, and all the things I was able to do with them. I killed everything in the game I never was able to in DRF. It was definitely a most righteous six months that I spent with these guys and I am going to have many good memories of my experience in FM when I finally decide to quit FFXI. I want to thank everyone in FM for making most of my in game dreams come true, haha so awesome to finally be a Novio/Gaiter BLM. Big thank yous go out to: Vygun, Humnoi, Grifter, Batang, Kayn, Lyramion, Akatosh, Xanthe, Silencer, Paz, Lordender, Lukebalroyjr, Lokim (<3), Defsoul, Unholy, Mandalorian, Shaqswede, Artti, Odinblade, Lex, Enjou, and last but not least Clpower. This was the FM I knew. ;;

COP woes, and my DRF Days (Part...the First)

Downrightfierce was my first real linkshell. Prior to joining I had been in Fiador's GrimAngels (social/fun time LS), the Summoner LS Hornie from May-ish of '06 to October, and in TheAftermath/CaptainCaveman (HNMLS) from Oct '06 to early January of '07. I joined DRF in frustration of my experiences in AM, which was full of recieving nothing other that Rostrum Pumps (which I paid for and we almost wiped on...lolAM...thank god for Mowgul), and Beaucedine access over a period of 3 months, which in retrospect of how lucky I am today a pretty crappy rate of getting drops. I also left AM for the utter lack of help I had received in my journey to Al'Taieu. I literally set everything up with people I had met leveling Summoner up (luckily I had BLM lvled). Keep in mind this was pre-nerf COP, exp. loss etc was still a threat to people interested in getting Sea. My snoll and airship mission runs were horrible...so much exp and time wasted on those but I eventually got through them. It's funny too, after I gained Sea access I suddenly got help from AM/and CC people towards getting my Tamas Ring...go figure. My COP story was full of drama and from that point on after finishing I had successfully helped a lot of people in DRF attain access to it after being able to criticize what went horribly wrong in my own experience.

So...DRF. Yes, it was my first real Linkshell, where I solidified my relationships with people whom I still speak to today. It all started with my friend from Hornie, Amanada and his promy ENM group whom I started to go with for a while on a weekly basis. It was here where I met DJ MK (Mogknight) the temperamental tarutaru PLD whom I would come very well acquainted with in the coming months. I met Poombala (Maat's cap lady) here too, a very odd individual, whom I could never really understand fully but she was a nice person and I've pretty much got along with her. It was during the week of the 21st of December that I had to decided to leave TheAftermath as we did absolutely nothing in that LS due to the time of year...which was crap. I wanted to play. So around January 11th or so I had finally responded to one of Mogknight's shouts to openly recruit members into his LS. I joined up immediately after asking him some questions. I don't even remember what I had asked to be honest, but the point is I joined and DRF became my home until August 13th 2007 in FFXI.

The leadership at the time of my joining consisted of Mogknight (shellholder), Thelan (sack), and Aelvin (sack). This is where I really had started to play the game, in my opinion, after learning the basic ropes of how an HNMLS operated from AM. I was there for DRF's major firsts: first Weekend God run, first Kirin, first Dynamis (San D'oria), first official Limbus run, first Northlands run, first Sea farm, first Vrtra (w/CC), first Proto-Omega etc. I had only gone Summoner to one DRF event ever. That event being our first god run where Moggie kindly let me lot the LS's first Zenith Crown. From that point in time on I came BLM to everything, with the exception of a few things I had come RDM to after I finished leveling that in March of '07.

Eventually, I was made into a sack for DRF, not just because of Moggie's sensibilities for me but because I had been playing such an active role in shaping what the LS was becoming. People would follow me and listen to what I said before I was made a sack so I guess it was only natural that I was made one. I also think Moggie made me a sack to somehow keep me from leaving the LS. (This had eventually been a futile effort, as I had left the game over the state of the LS in August of '06). From there on I had been accepted into Moggie's circle of friends and began having weekly LS meetings with them (eventually contributing over Teamspeak as well, where I finally got out of my shell a little and worked on my voice, god it was horrible sounding in the beginning lmao). The main sacks for what I considered DRF's most productive era were Mogknight (Shellholder), Thelan, Liseth (me!), Lillie, and Homeslizzle. Nyanoh (<3) would later join us, and Eugene would always imo be an honorary sack for helping me maintain my sanity throughout the madness closer to the end of my tenure as a member in DRF. In retrospect, I'd probably say my best friends from here other than Mog were (in no particular order) Eugene, Tajin, Nyanoh, Talmor, Anarane (we hardly knew each other but we instantly clicked!) and Tzaellia especially. Those were the people I like to surround myself with and I always loved doing things with them. Thelan and Lillie weren't bad up until I had left either, they get an honorary mention just because I am a forgiving person and I had some entertaining times with both of them.

I guess in Part 2 I'll discuss my decision to quit the game and what exactly got me so frustrated that I felt that I had to leave the game indefinitely. It wasn't pretty...anyway until next time!

Herald's Gaiters!

It's over. And when I say over I mean over. I do not have to lose sleep any longer and I am fucking stoked! Herald's Gaiters (mine). woo.

On the Dying Linkshell

So...Linkshells die all the time right? Of course they do, I've only seen it happen three times since I started playing FFXI. It's not fun to see it happen either, as you kinda lose touch with people whom you spend (spent) most of your casual time with. Not to mention it's incredibly retarded to have to start over somewhere new when you like your current Linkshell as it was prior to it's failure to survive.

What exactly are the tell-tale signs of a dying LS? (IN MY OPINION! MINE, MINE, MINE! /points at the word opinion)

1. A sudden drop in event attendance

This is usually a gradual process one-by-one people begin to stop coming to events, most of them without notice, of which many do not return for whatever reason. When this happens you'll have 30+ people attend one event one week and 12 people attend the next. Often times events are canceled because of this as it more often than not would waste the time of the people that actually gave a damn to come. Also if there's only 8 people on your LS (for LSes with 30+ normally) on the weekend at all times, it's a pretty good indication your LS in headed for the shitter.

2. Decrease in Morale

It's a good sign that your Linkshell is dying if everyone has seemed to get discouraged over everything and anything that goes wrong. That is never getting that one drop, always getting screwed over with the same lame drop (HALLO Omega's Eyes, Bahamut's Hose, Xarc BST AF2...fuck yeah!), wiping to something utterly stupid, not claiming HNMs, people not showing up to events, etc. etc. ad infinitum. Just know when emo levels go off the deep end and your LS is utterly devoid of any motivation at all...it's a good sign that it's going to implode.

3. /socialls on on on (HNMLS onry)

When LS leaders constantly joke about going social, in response to the LS's overall low attendance, and even lower morality it's probably closer to the end than you might like to think. ><

4. When everyone has everything, drop wise

Why is there a need to do anything then, if everyone has everything? There isn't plain and simple, and usually "everyone" doesn't include you.

5. When the LS leaders can't agree on anything

When this happens LS's 'splode. Maybe not today. Maybe not tomorrow. Either way your LS is eventually going straight to Hell.

6. When your LS leader(s) take off with the bank

Mmmmmmm, yeah. If this happens, it's a good sign your LS is already dead. Give yourself a pat on the back fof spending all those hours farming Dynamis/HNMs/Sky/and whatever else so that your former LS leader could afford his new flat screen 42" HD TV.

So I guess that's all I really had to say, I'm sure there's other things people can add to this, and things I forgot to put in here, but oh well, maybe next time!

Why the U.S. is Going Hell

Mmmmmmmmmk, my pretties, today let's talk about what's going on in the World! Namely in the United States. Yes exciting I know, but what does this have to do with you? Well you live here, that's what! So lets get down to the nitty gritty while I inform everyone why exactly I believe the U. S. is headed for imminent failure in the near future.

First of all, we as Americans have become EXTREMELY conceited after WWII and it's the worst it's ever been right now in 2008. We used to make everything. TVs, Airplanes...lightbulbs, were all made in the U. S. A., but individualism has literally neutered us as we have made a shift from those that make everything to becoming what some may call the "World's consumers." Everything is outsourced now to places like Mexico and India, due to corporate greed's need to cut the bottom line making money where it could be made.

(Also just to note, in the past we were very important customers to China buying 1/5th of what they produced. From what I've heard we now barely buy 10% of our imported goods from China).

So anyway, how is our economy supposed to sustain itself when we make nothing anymore sending all of our money out and nothing in? I don't think it can honestly. Compared to a more "Collective" society, that is a group of people that care for the betterment of the whole of their people, America's individual/elitist attitude is going to send us straight to Hell. A society that only cares about themselves (individual-wise) is bound to break down. Americans are more anti-social than ever, everyone must be so separate, and sharing...lolsharing. Who the fuck shares? Obviously losers like the Chinese who's economy is coming on-line, while ours comes to a slow and destructive halt. We're so awesome.

The 2008 Presidential race also shows another weakness we as Americans have since during and after the Civil War. We are a nation divided. I mean god, lets look at the main candidates on the Democrats side. Hillary Clinton, white-kinda old, woman vs. Barrack, "Osama" I'm a Black man, Obama. The demographic that mostly votes for Mrs. Clinton are white-kinda old women, and the demographic that mostly votes for Barrack Obama are Blacks. To top that off our man Barrck has like 90% of the Black vote which is crazy in my opinion how do you clinch that much of a demographic to vote for you? It's simple really America is divided. It's a who's-who of Blacks, Whites, Mexicans, Asians, Indians, American Indians, Atheists, Agnostics, Christians, Muslims, Zionists, Israelites, and whoever else I forgot. We're all people godammit, but I guess it's human nature to hate. People want to be with and support those whom they can most identify with or are of their own kind, humans are totally apes.

It's just incredible to me that we're supposed to be such a diverse melting pot but everyone kind of sticks to themselves. Every household is like a mini-country and the word "neighbor" no longer exists. It's all about smearing the reputation of the other guy and caring about none other than yourself, and always being on the defensive on issues even though you just might be wrong.

And these are my random thoughts for the day ppls.

~Ciao!

Somes more pics and stuff on Tiamat.

So I'm bored, tired, and camping Tiamat (again) tonight for how ever long I manage to stay sane doing so. I'd like to use this post to detail or rather chronicle my last Tiamat on Sunday night/Monday morning at like 3:30am....

This attempt was the epitome of low-manning what most other LSes can't even kill with two alliances...I'm not trying to say we're badass, but we're badass. What would be a normal holding party for your random LS is what we used to kill Tiamat, and I must say we killed him flawlessly, of course we always do...ANYWAY. It was like 3am and I was sleeping between windows, I just about had enough of it to be honest and wanted to get some real sleep. So I got up and watched for Tiamat to pop at it's window and it did. Massive calls ensue in my pt just trying to get them awake. There was hardly anyone on LS, just the six people we had down in chasm including me. So a few people were MSNed and we managed to muster up an additional two people willing to get out of bed for this.



Setup was as follows:

Tank pt:

NIN/DRK
PLD/NIN
BRD/WHM (relic)
RDM/DRK (me)
WHM/SCH
BLM/WHM

DD pt:

BLM/WHM
BLM/WHM
(BLM/WHM) Dual Boxed
(WHM/BLM) Dual Boxed - was there for moral support really, wasn't actually used iirc



Needless to say it was an easy fight, as a RDM I have three jobs really, and they aren't hard by any means. Firstly, the most important job is to Stun Firaga 3. I think I've come a long way as to understanding how important this is, pretty much I'll wait through whatever orange flappy throws at us and immediately Stun Firaga 3 the best way I can. Usually I'll Stun and Haste myself right after. I always try to keep my Haste up. With my current Stunning setup I can Stun every 30 seconds or so and I pretty much do use it that often for the entire duration of the fight (or 100k HP). As a RDM that /DRKs everything pretty much it should be noted that I've played around quite a bit with my Stunning setup, and I definitely believe that my current setup is the best I've had. Notable items that I actually macro in are:

Jupiter's Staff
Warlock's Chapeau +1 (Fast Cast enhancement + 5% recast which I must note is the same as Walhara Turban....RDMs DON'T FUCKING USE THIS POS)
Nashira Manteel (+3% Haste +5 Dark Magic Skill + 5 M.acc.)
Balrahn's Ring (+4 M.acc)
Swift Belt (+4% Haste)
Merciful Cape (+5 Dark Magic Skill)
Morrigan's Cuffs (+5 M.acc)

This puts me at 210 Dark Magic Skill with ample M.acc to help with freak resist rates.
(I also use this same setup when I Chainspell Stun....works like a dream, Stuns never last too long leaving lots of room for error ^)



So yeah my other job is keeping Slow 2 on....makes for a happy tank(s). Enough said here really, I stack a decent amount of MND gear when I cast this and I normally don't have any trouble landing it, though there are times it just won't land, which is to be expected, Tiamat is fucking resistant as hell.

At this particular point in I'm casting in the following for Slow 2 via two macros showing MND gear onry:

Terra's Staff
Yigit Gages (MND +5)
Tamas Ring (MND +5)
Aqua Ring (MND +5)
Jet Seraweels (+7 MND)
Mahatma Pigaches (+6 MND)
Penitent's Rope (+5 MND)
Prism Cape (+4 MND)
Bugard Leather Strap +1 (+1 MND)


My last job during Tiamat is keeping Phalanx 2 up on the tanks which provides -22 damage (max) in addition to whatever setups they might have (which I do not know, I'm not a true tanking individual!) So anyway, I cast this in gear which gives me 301 Enhancing Magic Skill.

Glamor Jupon (+3 Enhancing Magic Skill)
Warlock's Tights +1 (+15 Enhancing Magic Skill)
Merciful Cape (+5 Enhancing Magic Skill)
Duelist's Gloves (+15 Enhancing Magic Skill)
Enhancing Torque (+7 Enhancing Magic Skill)

From spawn to death it took the eight of us approx. an hour and twenty minutes to kill it. And it didn't do an uber WS once (i.e. Horrid Roar etc.). If you do the math the four BLMs we had each did about 25k damage each in a very short time. Not to mention they handled whatever adds we got...a couple of Corses, and a few elementals. Fight Tiamat like this was among one of the most memorable things I've done in game, and I really hope I get a chance to do it again it's entertaining to watch entire LSes watch such a small force killing such a heavily camped HNM.

Back to camping/sleeping. (Hopefully less camping, and more sleeping!)

Omg pix....yes, I'm a little lazy, shut up. :P

I've been REALLY lax with pictures so I'm going to post my most recent ones (within the last week or so) for everyone to enjoy....somehow I didn't take any of Mog and I duoing on DNC and SCH....makes me kinda emo, but enough of that! NO EMO ALLOWED! Anyway pictures *m'yes*

Helping some random JP trying to get the sword this thing drops. I'm a kind and gentle person, really.

lollolwmansuzyQ

Farming IS for Perdu *coughmeripo*

Bugbear ENM

Merk backing me up!

"Hay gais I have sum eyes, want sum eyes?"

Farming IS - Beseiged

Froggy Friday omg. Sixth Floor Madame.

Nice staff.

My blue choco QueenBeryl and I.

Luke literally killing himself @Timmy Camp. He's obviously too lazy to Warp even though he's on BLM. >.>;;

Oh hi thar Mr. Big, Orange, and Flappy

Brainstorming

So I decided in my infinite wisdom that I need a new plan of attack in finding a new occupation/direction in my life. I'm just going to write down a few ideas here to get my mental juices flowing. First I think I'm going to write down a few things I'm good at in a list....rather, a few things I would like to think I'm good at. :P

Things I am good at

1. Playing/writing music - I'm absolutely not a virtuoso, but I have the utmost confidence in my musical talent and I'm definitely willing to share it with the world if I can get people to listen.

2. Writing in general - I'm not too bad of a writer. I've never had any problems putting down what I feel onto paper, and when I'm motivated I can write on and on and on.

I really can't think of anything else I'm really that good at....I can draw okay but what real skills do I have that I can take with me into a workplace? Moreover what is it exactly that I'm looking for in a new job? Perhaps another list in order....not that my last list was a list more like two points.

Things I am looking for in a job

1. Acceptance for who I am - I find this to be paramount above all other things, if I cannot act naturally as myself (within reason...not crazy Ris!) what's the use of working at a said place? None...but beggars often cannot be so choosy. Though, am I being choosy or am I just being realistic? I want to present myself as the professional woman I am is that too much to ask?

2. A feeling that I am doing something that contributes in a positive way to society - Is there any other honest non-money related reason to work? Not in my opinion. At the end of the day I want to feel like I did something to make the world a better place.

3. Money to help finish off my transition - Money is important but all I really care about at this particular point and time is getting enough $$ to put towards finishing my transition. whether that comes in actual wages or in good insurance.

4. Maybe a friend or two (or three) - Everyone needs friends....need I say more.

5. A desk with a nice view of some random albeit awesome city - Yeah right, I'm dreaming!

6. Respect - Last but not least, everyone needs a little respect. Show it to others and you'll receive it yadda yadda...it's tough though in my position to be able to demand the respect I want/deserve. So yeah, I want the respect I deserve, and I'm not really talking about in terms of how you would give a supervisor respect, just general human respect based upon the person you are. I guess I could've put this with my first point, but I put it down here again since it's so important to how I feel, soooooooooooo bite me!

Things I need to improve about myself

1. Self-Confidence - I used to have a lot of this, I dunno where it all went but yeah I need more self-confidence.

2. Patience - I need to learn how to exercise this more, and not get frustrated at small things.

3. Attention Span - I need to focus more on what needs to be done instead of occupy my time in the workplace with needless eccentricities and extra baggage I absolutely do not need there.

4. To smile more - It's always good to smile, the more you do the more others will around you, or maybe they'll just look at you weird and wonder if you had gotten laid last night. >.>

5. Procrastinating - Everyone needs to work on this....we all just need to get what we need done so we can be done sooner. I especially need to work on this!

Well...I guess that's all I'm going to put down here for now I need to uh....stop procrastinating and focus my attention on my work because I...uh...am at work.

<3

Minor Malfunction in lolsea

So I was put on the spot yesterday in Sea and I led everyone to a dead end where the Ix'MNK ??? spawns. We were searching for Temperance which I haven't had a problem popping alone. I must have had a brain malfunction or something see for some reason we had went NW first which is a nono imo. Normally to hit all of the towers within the period of a day I take the npc near SW and start N so you can work your way back through the portals without needing to wait on the npc etc. Anyway, I usually go N, NW, SW run to the otherside. NE, then downstairs and into SE. It's not hard by any means. Griffie had us all move together which to me was counter productive. It would've been much easier to put a BLM at each tower and kill at the same time. Yeah the downside to this is losing a lot of exp when Gravity wears if you do not know how to hold it in a corner of one of those square shaped rooms, but to me I find it most efficient because everyone has something to do death or no death. Oh well, shit happens I'm not that upset about it. I plan on going back to pop it probably today, I just hope for the love of god that people are on to help when I pop it.

Phalanx 2

Just for the record meriting Phalanx 2 and Slow 2 to their maximum reduce the likelihood of tanks dying.

Phalanx 2 + Slow 2 + Shell V x Barfira/Carol = a tank that lives = less emo

Bio 3 is nice....but Bio 2 still WORKS well for solo. DON'T BE A FEWL and merit Bio 3 like I did only to demerit it. This has been a PSA brought to you by Cats who get litter all over your kitchen counters.